graditude

I just wanted to get some thoughts down that have been close to my heart lately. I have touched on this before, but working as a social worker in the emergency department at a large hospital I definitely see a large portion of our community that is not well emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. The sadness and trauma that I have seen have made me so grateful for the things I have and the things I don't have to worry about. I have felt that I have done a decent job (that should be my indicator that I need to be doing more) of being grateful to our Heavenly Father for the blessings I have been given that I definitely do not deserve.

I am grateful for a wonderful husband that wouldn't even think of abusing me or Spencer, or anyone for that matter, in any way. I am grateful that I have not had a loved one die or be injured in a traumatic way. I am grateful that I don't have to try to decipher what external or internal stimuli is reality and what is a byproduct of my mental illness. I am grateful that I am not sunk down in the depths of despair and sadness. I am grateful that I don't have to battle thoughts of suicide or harbor intense feelings of anger towards others. I am grateful that I don't have to go to homeless shelters or try to brave the weather on the streets. I am grateful for my support system and how kind and generous others are towards me. This just scratches the surface of what I am grateful for, but you get the general idea.

And then the other day I was humbled again by watching the 5:00 news with Spencer. They showed scenes in Africa right now of people who all I can think really know what it is to suffer in every way. They showed starved people in long lines to get food and a spot to sleep in a makeshift tent. People without that basic tier of human needs of shelter, food and safety. Then they showed a baby/toddler lying on the dirt ground, staring into space, obviously malnourished just covered in flies. Spencer immediately looked up to me with eyes full of tears and said, "Mamae, that baby has bugs all over him." Needless to say, seeing that child that way was heartbreaking enough but then to have my sweet little boy recognize and bluntly state the inhumanity in the world really has made me think a great deal.

What do I do with what I have been blessed with? I am sad to admit that it is very little. I know I need to be a better steward of my blessings and the resources the Lord has provided me, with the trust that I would be a good and wise servant and use them for good. I wonder how sad it must be for the Lord to watch his children, especially the little kiddos, suffer in this world. It also must be so hard for him to watch those who have received so much more squandor it away with little good to show for it. I want to be a better servant. I want to give more of what I have to those who are so much less fortunate than me. I want to show more compassion and love to not only those in remote places but to those in my community. And hopefully by this expression, I will be held to a greater accountability to actually follow through on these things. Unfortunately, I need those reminders to jolt me out of my comfort zone and look outside of myself. Let's all be a little better and more giving and compassionate to those that are just as loved by the Lord as we are.